The statistics on marriage are depressing. Half of
all marriages end in divorce and half of those that
don't are unhappy and unproductive. With stats like this
you might wonder how you can even ask how can I save my
marriage. If you are worried about your marriage and
want to make it better and even save your marriage then
you are better off than two thirds of the population!
Contemplating filing for divorce should not be your
first step when you get to this point. There are many
steps to saving your marriage that you should consider
first. Most of these steps require both partners to be
fully committed to saving the relationship, but starting
these steps alone can also begin the process of saving
your marriage.
A first logical step is to consider counseling. When
both partners are asking can this marriage be saved or
how can I save my relationship, counseling can provide
an objective third party to offer advice and counsel. It
is best for both partners to go. If you partner isn't
yet committed to saving your marriage then by all means
start off alone. Avoiding divorce and strengthening a
marriage can begin by one partner if both are not
willing to work together for a common goal. Counseling
is the first step to avoiding divorce and saving your
marriage.
The next step, which can be done on your own, is to
recognize that the perfect marriage is a myth. All
marriages, even the happiest come with ups and downs and
take a lot of work by both spouses. When two people come
together, they bring to the relationship all of their
own issues, good and bad.
There are bound to be difficult times, and perhaps a
few issues that could become deal breakers if not dealt
with early on. Even identical twins and lifelong friends
can differ in likes and dislikes, values and beliefs.
For a marriage to succeed, couples must learn to deal
with whatever life brings along. Couples must be ready
for the rough patches as well as the good times. They
have to commit to overcoming their problems. This is the
time to remember that perfection is an unrealistic goal.
You don't expect it from yourself and you shouldn't
expect it from your partner. Seeking perfection will
only interfere with everything you are working on in
saving your marriage. Everyone makes mistakes, so work
with your partner to overcome the problems you face and
you will both realize it is possible to "save my
marriage."
The next logical are to focus on in saving your
marriage are good communication skills. The ability to
communicate effectively with your spouse is vital. When
communication falls apart, your marriage can be on its
way to trouble. Begin with total and loving honesty with
your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be
solved if good communication is maintained. To make this
work both partners have to be willing to accept
compromise which can be difficult at times but is
absolutely necessary for a successful marriage. Finding
that middle ground upon which a conclusion to the
conflict can be built has to work for both parties
before you can say to yourself that this can "save
my marriage." Saving your marriage and making your
marriage work depends on your collective ability to
compromise. If you could do one thing to answer your
question of "how can I save my marriage", the
ability to compromise is your answer.
All of the above steps illustrate your commitment to
your marriage and to each other. This is your next step
in the long process of "saving my marriage".
Marriage is the ultimate lifetime day to day commitment.
This isn't disposable, marriage is not a Styrofoam cup
or plastic container that you use and toss. It is much
more permanent and of higher quality. There are certain
things you don't abandon, and marriage should be one of
them. The only time to ponder ending your marriage is if
you feel there is truly no hope. Hopelessness is a
dismal feeling and a terrible place to be. Fortunately
it takes a long time to get to this point. The above
steps can prevent you from ever feeling hopeless. If you
want to say "I saved my marriage" then
commitment is your microphone.
The sad reality is that after all of the above steps,
and in even the hardest working couples, some marriages
will not work. If the damage is too extensive and the
hurt too deep then divorce can be a logical option. If
there is abuse and mistreatment that cannot be resolved
it is the only option. Divorce should always be your
last option, and when you have repaired your
relationship and are feeling happiness in your marriage
then you can say yes I can save my marriage!
